Money Matters. And Grief.

7:36 am

Friday, May 25

Dear Jim,

It's payday for me -- if you were here, you would have been looking for the checkbook to add in the automated deposit last night, wouldn't you?

You may be proud of me, I've managed to save money too, even with a lesser amount [in my pension.] I remember you putting extra in our account for vacation, travel, and car expenses. I've got it back up to an even higher amount than when I took out the expenses for your funeral. But "my mother's account" is going down. I used it to help Connie buy the house and Jeep. But then, you probably know this. I hope you approve of what I did. I remembered how Harvey and Mary helped Peter and Sue "when they needed it," not waiting for them to inherit it.

But that's not what I planned to write about.

I dream about you so many nights and when I awake, I miss you even more. The past two nights I have dreamed about you. I am glad to see you in my dreams because they are so real. You talk to me, we are doing "something," and it is like you are still with me. 

Last night, we were in a car driving somewhere. My (our) car hood latch kept coming loose and finally broke. (It really is a pain and comes up.) I was telling you all the repairs that are needed. I guess I had this dream is because yesterday the "eye" on the stove worked loose again and you always tightened it up.  I said, "Jim, I need you here to fix this." Then I got a screwdriver and finally did it myself. I'm glad I remembered how to do it, but I sure wish you were here.

I put thistle in the bird feeder for the beautiful yellow finches. I thought of how we enjoyed watching them together.

On Wednesday night, I slept so well and didn't wake up until 9:45 am. Last night I was back to tossing and turning.

I re-read your letter of 3/31/61 to your mother telling her not to be nervous and grieve so for your dad. It is a beautiful letter and I know that it helped her. But I remember you found grieve to be different when we lost Janice.

I really am trying, but I am up a little one day and right back almost as low the next. I miss you every moment of every day.

All my love always,

Norma

Gossip From The Dentist

Tuesday

May 8, 2001

Dear Darling Sweetheart,

Again, today I am missing you. I reread your 1954 letters and love you more as I reread them.

I went to the dentist today to get my teeth cleaned. You would be proud of me -- I told them that I didn't want xrays today. I'm going to Dr. Bond on Thursday and I just didn't want to do it.

Norma took her dental visits very seriously.
Unlike Jim.

Dr. Powers came in and said, "I sure miss the big guy." I didn't cry. (I am now.) He said that he will always remember talking to you at Rotary on Wednesday, the day before you died. You asked how James, his son, was and said to tell him "hello" for you. Dr. Powers said he called James that night and told him, never dreaming that it would be your last conversation. Dr. Powers says that you are remembered and mentioned at Rotary often. I asked if James still owns part of Barnhill's. Yes and they have 32 restaurants now. James sold the water company (Crystal Springs) for $17 million. Of course, he had partners. 

James is still in Phoenix but will be moving the business back to Nashville one day. 

Give Janice* a hug and kiss for me. I miss you, Darling. I love you so.

Norma

Notes:

Janice was Jim and Norma's daughter who died in 1968.